i feel as though the water has finished boiling, big sloppy bubbles bursting at the surface, satisfying sizzles when the spray hits the hot element. like the sky has blushed in dark blue, with gathering speed the clouds are running away and the wind is setting in. like i need to wash the sheets on my bed, spread them clean over my matress and sleep feeling fresh between them. i feel like i need to rearrange the furniture in my room, live a symmetrical existence and see things from the other side of the mirror. cut my hair shorter or throw out all my things that don't mean anything to me. throw away everything that begins with a consonant. only eat fruits that are in season, only talk to people i like. learn something new. stop learning altogether, stop laughing when i am alone. stop with every day life, make life unnecessarily difficult for myself just to stop routine from stalking me. cook for people who appreciate me. stop asking for things. try to deal with something, stop avoidance. avoid everything altogether. get straight a's in school. pretend more. lie more, i think i need to lie more.