hospital walks

i’m not here to be fixed up by a doctor or nurse,
i just need to look at some sick broken patients,
death, dying, disease and conditions diverse,
last wishes and surgeries with complications

i just need to look at some sick broken patients
so i can learn to control my breathing and reactions
to last wishes and surgeries with complications,
to bloody wounds, gaping gashes and hairline fractures.

i need to learn to control my breathing and reactions:
like a shaking heart, clammy hands, instant sweating
when i see bloody wounds, gaping gashes, hairline fractures
or bones stuck out at strange angles that need setting.

my shaking heart, clammy hands, instant sweating;
i go on hospitals walks to battle my anxiety
about bones stuck out at strange angles that need setting
and unforgiving blood conditions of every variety.

i go on hospitals walks to battle my anxiety
over death, dying, disease, conditions diverse
and unforgiving blood conditions of every variety.
but i’m not here to be fixed up by a doctor or nurse.