northshore.

maybe my heart beat's connected to this thing, no i'm not ready for a downtown trash collection. somewhere inbetween my mouth talk talking, flexible jawlines and dry throats, i stopped telling the truth over there. i'm not used to that, compulsive lies, i used to be impressive, he used to be impressed by me but that doesn't work anymore, i need to be more, i know you feel it too. sliding into a desk where my palms can sweat on the tabletop, leave liquid handprints before i need to leave, swift down a hallway, there's no air down there, no air down there in the basement. i've created a monster (eyes focused like a microscope) cause now i've got these shadows following me, i'm all too accountable. you know me, fifty shades of grey and i'll pull you under, every facet of my life, glass jars on every surface. did you really think it wouldn't be that bad? turn me into some kind of angry nomad again, you're all too accountable. i don't want to think like this, in lies and exaggerations, but he said, he said think of the moment when you are most serene. i laughed because i don't think i've ever been serene. jittery on three cups of chai tea, sweat on the backs of my thighs, spontaneous tears that freeze on face, no, i've never been serene. and i'll probably keep on lying, i'm sorry, i'll probably keep on lying until i feel like i impress him again.